I'm not a Racist... but You're Still an Asshole

I was just out 'crunching numbers.' No, we don't have a quota, because THOSE are illegal. But my patrol 'activity standard' means that I should pull about a half dozen traffic stops during a shift. Sure, there are other ways to get points and bring the numbers up, through reports and all. But, just to be safe I like to jump out and grab a few traffic stops right off the bat to make sure I get my daily 'standard'.

It also gets the blood flowing and gets me into a pro-active mindset when I come out a humpin'.

I didn't plan to make a federal case of the traffic stop. I KNOW that there is no such thing as a 'routine' traffic stop so I had my gun unsnapped from the holster, fingers around the grip with the secondary safety disengaged when I began the most polite and professional displays of verbal judo...

but I never got the first sentence out of my mouth when;

"THIS IS MY CAR," belted from the drivers side window...

OOOOooooo K, I thought... then I started again...

"Hello, Sir. I'm -"

"I SAAAAAID. THIS. IS. MY. CAR," again from the driver.

"Ok, sir. I underst-"

"Motherfuckers never believe that I can own a Mercedes," driver's getting a bit indignant at this point. I've had enough of his B.S. but I'm no rookie either... so I'm going to dig the whole a little deeper so he can REALLY step into it.. :)

"Sir, I never questioned if this was your car. But if you can produce your drivers license and registration it would be pretty apparent now, wouldn't it?"

He gives me a look of disbelief then YANKS the registration from above the visor... then begins to dig around in his pockets for his wallet. The wallet cannot be found and he SWEARS that he must have left it at the gym. "You know I belong to a nice health club downtown..." Whatever the point of THAT was.

I continue... "Well, sir... since your registration is not signed, it is not valid per the fine print right here (pointing at the empty box) and since you cannot produce a valid photo ID, I cannot verify who you are..."

He about goes through the roof at this point, "DO I HAVE TO CALL MY MOTHERFUCKING LAWYER??!?!?!"

"If he can bring your drivers license here... sure."

His fists clench and he just about comes out the window, then I continue...

"But sir, that is really unnecessary at this point... as long as you SWEAR that this is your car..."

There's actually some spittle coming out of his mouth at this point. "OFFICER. I. SWEAR... ON A STACK OF BIBLES... THIS! IS! MY! CAR!"

"Ok, sir. Now that we're 1000% certain that this IS YOUR CAR... I figure you're the one responsible for the drivers side headlight not functioning..."

You'd think that I just kicked him in the nuts.
++++

I won't say that I NEVER write a ticket for a headlight infraction... but about 98% of the time I'm just trying to stir something up and the violator is cool and legal so he gets a warning. About 1% of the time, the violator is drunk, suspended, has a stack of warnings... so he earns a ticket or trip to jail based on his other issues. And the final 1% of the people are just assholes who literally talk themselves into a ticket

To make a long story short, I wrote three tickets to this guy. One for the headlight, one for the registration not being signed and one for not having a drivers license in possession.

I don't care what color asshole you are... you'll get the same great service that I afford to all assholes.