The Failure of Statistical Policing

Quota's are illegal in police work.

'Performance Standards' are not.

A performance standard is a quantitative value that the administration determines. This value is supposed to tell the brass and elected officials if a police officer is doing his job to a satisfactory level by the amount of data that is compiled.

Since it is impossible to place a value on variable police work (things we have no control over) such as calls for service, vehicle crash responses, etc... The administration places emphasis on officer initiated actions such as traffic stops, business checks and citizen contacts.

Sounds good, until you look at some of the aftermath.

Joe is a veteran patrol officer. Although some political BS has marred a couple points of his career... he is an officer's officer. If Joe hears another officer dispatched to a call and Joe happens to be closer - Joe takes the call. If Joe gets a call at five minutes before his break - Joe puts his break on hold. If another officer needs anything - that officer knows he is welcomed to talk to Joe.

Here are Joe's Stats for January 2010:
Business Checks: 180%
Positive Citizen Contacts: 140%
Seatbelt Enforcement: 200%
Moving Violations: 140%
Non Moving Violations: 120%
Written Warnings: 94%

Things that were not on the statistical scoreboard: Joe was the second one to an officer needs assistance call, even though he was the furthest away. Joe covered 40% of the shifts calls for service even though he is part of an 8 man crew. Joe completed 6 cases as an evidence technician.

Joe received an official reprimand for 'Failure of Duty' because his written warnings were 6% short.

I See a War with the Nurses Brewing...

Sooooo... my partner makes a traffic stop across town from my beat. I mosey his direction but he clears after issuing a citation before I arrive. Immediately after his stop is over, he's on the air asking for a Sgt. to 'Signal 8' (meet him) in a nearby parking lot. I hear the Sgt. get there... few minutes later the Sgt. is asking the dispatcher to leave a message for our techs to pull my partner's digital video in the morning. I'm assigned to cover my partners beat while he is 'busy with paperwork for a while.'

Oooooooooo... must be gooooood! :)

While I'm covering the second zone, the GPS shows that the duo spend some time at the station... then go to the hospital... Hmmmmmm...

THEN they go back to the station for 30 mins... I'm like a teenage girl waiting on the days hot gossip!

Finally - my partner clears and I'm released from my double duty. I immediately request a signal 8 of my own.

He shows me his video:

Seems like he was at a red light, and when it turned green he began to pull out but saw a car coming that was about to blow it's fresh red. The car hit the intersection at about 30 mph and made a HARD right hand turn, directly in front of my partner.

Of course a traffic stop ensues... before he even gets a word out of his mouth the lady in the car asks, "What's YOUR problem?" in a pretty harsh tone.

Now my partner is a master at sarcasm but he actually kept a lid on it for once and just said, "Ma'am... my 'problem' is that you failed to stop for your red light and nearly caused a collision..."

"Oh you're full of shit!" says the female voice from within the car. "I hit my brakes and you were so far back that there was no WAY I was going to hit you."

"Regardless, ma'am... you are required to make a full stop before continuing if you wish to make a right turn on a red light... can I see your drivers license and registration, please?" Our community is 90% well-to-do and upper crust so our professionalism is always being touted. I must say that I was actually pleasantly surprised at my partner for keeping his cool - but then again, he IS used to being on video...

"YOU DON'T NEED MY DRIVERS LICENSE, DON'T YOU SEE THIS?" again from the drivers window. My partner tells me that the lady points at the hospital ID clipped to the front of her scrubs.

"Yes ma'am... I see the hospital ID card... your DRIVERS LICENSE is similar in that it has your picture but it also has some other information that I need... most people keep them in their wallets..." I knew he couldn't keep the sarcasm in check for long... :)

There's some mumbling from within the vehicle then, "HERE!" a hand shoots out holding the DL.

My partner takes the DL and asks the driver to remain seated until he returns... she says something that I couldn't figure out as he walks away.

The partner returns to her car with a ticket in his hand.

"What?!?!?! You've GOT to be joking!"

He explains that he isn't...

"Are you SURE you want to do this?" She asks

He explains that it's already done.

"Well it's your funeral, sweetheart," from inside the car.

WHOA! He takes special attention and just says, "EXCUSE ME?"

"Give ME a ticket motherfucker? I'll be sure to remember that the next time you or one of your guys comes into MY E.R.... I'll be the one laughing while you lay on the cot dying."

I can tell that he want's to yank her out the vent window by her nostril, "YOU DO REALIZE THAT THIS TRAFFIC STOP IS BEING RECORDED, DON'T YOU????"

"Like I give a shit! Just remember WHO's in CHARGE once you pass those hospital doors... ASSHOLE. Give ME a ticket??? I guarantee you that if you or any of yours come to MY ER... you may as well call the undertaker - that's all I'm saying."

"Ma'am... threatening a police officer who is lawfully engaged in his duties is a FELONY in this state... you can leave now or I may place you under arrest..."

"HA!" says the bitch from inside the car. "Whatever!" and she peels away from the traffic stop, causing my partner to leap back from her car.

Of course, in the days before video this bitch would be visiting her own ER within minutes of the first sideways phrase that shot out of her mouth.

But today, the kindler, gentler police force that we are handles things a bit differently.

The sarge called the brass to give them a heads up, my partner wrote a report covering the threats... THEN the two went to the hospital where the charge nurse who manages the midnight shift was briefed and allowed to view the video with the officers. She assured my guys that there would be an IMMEDIATE disciplinary measure... she actually called the nurse at home in front of them and informed her that she was on 'Executive Leave' pending a complaint investigation, but did not give her any other details.

The charge nurse also called the nurses state licensing board (again in my guys presence - pretty cool) and suggested a suspension of her license.

Now, I guess the plan is that the detectives will complete some felony charging affidavits and attempt to get a warrant ASAP in the morning. The nurse apparently has a preliminary meeting with the hospital admins set for 10 am... our dicks want to be there with a warrant and perp walk her out of the hospital in order to make an impression.

Maybe I should make an 'anonymous' call to the paper to make sure the pics hit the print for Saturdays paper... Hmmmmmmm ;)

Regardless of what exactly happens later today... SHOULD BE INTERESTING!!!

I Love You Captain Red Pen

Sooooo... the command staff has their monthly meeting. Samo, samo... the Sgt.'s had asked the line officers for their input, then took the input to the higher ups where each piece of input is systemically pitched into the shitcan one by one.

However, we all got a chuckle when it was learned that the Captain of the patrol staff was chastised for not being up to speed on the activity in his own division. The Chief assigned him to read five patrol reports a day. SHOULD be part of the job anyways but the patrol Capt. has been a whiny little bitch since he was passed over for the vacant chiefs job last year.

It didn't take long for the chuckles to stop in the patrol division though... the next day half a dozen reports were kicked back to the officers for "corrections."

One officer had written: "I observed the suspect vehicle traveling at 54 mph in the posted 35 mph zone." Capt. Red Pen circled each 'mph' about a dozen times then wrote: DO NOT USE ABBREVIATIONS across the top of the page.

Another officer wrote: "I responded to Main St." Again Capt. Red Pen responded by grinding his red inked weapon around the 'St.' and scrawled DO NOT USE ABBREVIATIONS for the offending officer to see.

Of course all the Road Dogs are up in arms... with all the real issues that have to be dealt with, Capt. Red Pen is really showing how little effort his job requires if he has this much free time on his hands.

I took very special effort to make sure I didn't get any red ink on the last report that I wrote. And of course I had to take some shots... "The suspect drove a red General Motors Corporation pickup bodied motor vehicle..." "Valerie Dawn Victim was born on the twelfth day of May, the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and sixty-four..."

I was really rather shocked when I discovered that the report had been approved - by the Capt. himself as his familiar handwriting was displayed in the approval box: Capt. R. Pen

YES... I circled the 'R.' and wrote NO ABBREVIATIONS across the page and tossed it into HIS mailbox... I just couldn't resist. That was three days ago - as my weekend began.

I go back to work tonight... should be interesting... :)

Police Issues vs. Parental Issues... there IS a difference!

I made the rounds, stopping at one of our local convenience stores to stretch my legs, grab a Pepsi and chit chat with the counter crew for a few. As I was getting ready to leave, some mid 20's mom walked in with a pouting little girl, probably about 6 or so.

Mom saw me and right away said, "See, there's a policeman... I'll make him arrest you if you're not a good girl."

WTF!

Ya' know, in my rookie years I may have 'helped' mom by shooting a look at the kid, or I may have 'asked' her to be a good little girl for mommy. But my now veteran status means that I've seen more than enough negativity about cops. Granted we do bring most of it on ourselves... so this negative stuff from some mom who can't let her kid be a kid really ticks me off nowadays. Besides, it was 0400... technically my lunch break but understandably too freakin' early for a kid to be 'chipper!'

"You really shouldn't do that, mam." I started out. Being totally matter-of-fact, not about to collect a (ok- ANOTHER) 'Negative Citizen Contact' sheet and a meeting with the Lt. in the morning.

"You see, if you use me as the heavy because of the badge and uniform... and, heaven forbid, something happens to your daughter tomorrow - like she gets lost. She'll actually AVOID going to a police officer for help if she sees one because she'll think that we're the BAD guys. AND if you keep negatively stereotyping police to her... one of these days it may even escalate to the point where she refuses to call us even when her boyfriend or husband is beating the crap out of her."

As the shift's domestic violence officer, I'm responsible for the customer service side of DV Calls and I was able to quickly produce a "Family Assistance Resource" card from my vest carrier. Handing it to mom, who was pretty much in shock at this point, I added, "Here's a Family Assistance Resource Card for you, check out their website and give them a call, they have all sorts of great parenting classes..."

As I walked out I made sure to smile at the little girl and give her one of my Cop Cards that all the kids in our community collect. Her face really lit up!

Of course, I'm not THAT conceited... my card is sponsored by Dairy Queen and the little girl can get a free cone with a cop card that hasn't been punched yet.. :)

You were PROBABLY doing more than just 'talking'...

As an officer, I have had the opportunity to meet several people when they are in the throws of passion while occupying some vehicle that they thought was perfectly hidden away.

It never fails, the female of the pair SWEARS that all they were doing was talking...

Well ladies... police training has taught me to look for these things called 'clues' and to save both of us the embarrassment of sifting through the lies in these already awkward situations... I've decided to let you in on a few of the major clues that slap me in the face while talking to you through the window...

In case you're all wondering, YES I am a Jeff Foxworthy fan...

If my knock on the window causes you to hit your head on the steering wheel and/or dashboard... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you try to nonchalantly wipe the 'conversation' off of your chin while we speak... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you are in the back seat and your bra is in the front seat... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you are in the front seat while your panties are in the back seat... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If the patrol cars spotlight made you accidently put on your boyfriends underwear... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you try to act as though all is normal even though it is very obvious that your boyfriends hand is "stuck" somewhere... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If there is more lipstick below your boyfriends waist than is on your mouth...
you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you inadvertantly gargle the words, "Good evening officer"... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you have to spit and/or swallow before saying, "Good evening officer"... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you step out of the vehicle and discover a used condom stuck to your thigh while we are taking... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

and finally...

If you were so involved in "conversation" that you failed to notice my spotlight or my knocks on the window -and- my dash camera records five minutes of your feet planted against the hatch back window -and- the microphone picks up your voice saying, "GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!GIVE IT TO MEEEEEEEEEEeee EEE eee EEEEEE...!!!!!
Well then, you actually were talking, however, we all KNOW that you were doing much more than 'just talking.'

No Politics for Me, Thank You...

Outside of law enforcement, I've had a lifetime in sports.

When the limited skill that I did possess went away, I transitioned to coaching and officiating.

I think that's why so much of this law enforcement stuff comes so easily to me. I just think of it as officiating the game of life.

That's also why I'm able to make the decisions other officers won't. I've already had the perspective that it's not MY decision to make... the person in question chose to do something... the person in question KNEW that the decision had repercussions... I'm merely documenting the activity when I write the ticket or make the arrest... It really IS that simple most of the time!

Writing the Mayor was actually a piece of cake! When he loudly identified himself by asking if I recognized him 'as the mayor of this town that employs you???' I simply said, "Well yes I do... and fortunately, due to the three day ethics training seminar you sent my whole shift to, I know I'm supposed to treat you just as I would treat anyone else. Furthermore, since you require us to wear these digital recorders and video tape every traffic stop... I'm sure your voters will appreciate you taking responsibility for your actions and not using your position to get out of the ticket..."

I AM professional and follow all of my personal ethical guidelines... but I did have one of the most sarcastic shit-eating grins across my face when I said this...

The mayors initial look was of shock, then disbelief... then the same shit-eating grin that I displayed appeared on his face too. Mr. Mayor actually started to laugh a bit! "Well Officer ________, I guess I've got a ticket coming and I'l take it like a big boy."

It's funny, my supervisors were preparing for a huge fallout... to be honest I actually was myself. But low and behold, from the Mayor's point of view, I went from being 'just one of the guys in patrol' to "That Son-of-a-Bitch that gave me a ticket." Of course he always says it with a laugh, and since then I have noticably been moved up the food chain quite a few notches... Delegations to panels, chosen for special duties, guest of the mayor at the annual golf outing...

Hmmmm... Maybe there is something to doing this job while turning a blind eye to the political BS.

I'm not a Racist... but You're Still an Asshole

I was just out 'crunching numbers.' No, we don't have a quota, because THOSE are illegal. But my patrol 'activity standard' means that I should pull about a half dozen traffic stops during a shift. Sure, there are other ways to get points and bring the numbers up, through reports and all. But, just to be safe I like to jump out and grab a few traffic stops right off the bat to make sure I get my daily 'standard'.

It also gets the blood flowing and gets me into a pro-active mindset when I come out a humpin'.

I didn't plan to make a federal case of the traffic stop. I KNOW that there is no such thing as a 'routine' traffic stop so I had my gun unsnapped from the holster, fingers around the grip with the secondary safety disengaged when I began the most polite and professional displays of verbal judo...

but I never got the first sentence out of my mouth when;

"THIS IS MY CAR," belted from the drivers side window...

OOOOooooo K, I thought... then I started again...

"Hello, Sir. I'm -"

"I SAAAAAID. THIS. IS. MY. CAR," again from the driver.

"Ok, sir. I underst-"

"Motherfuckers never believe that I can own a Mercedes," driver's getting a bit indignant at this point. I've had enough of his B.S. but I'm no rookie either... so I'm going to dig the whole a little deeper so he can REALLY step into it.. :)

"Sir, I never questioned if this was your car. But if you can produce your drivers license and registration it would be pretty apparent now, wouldn't it?"

He gives me a look of disbelief then YANKS the registration from above the visor... then begins to dig around in his pockets for his wallet. The wallet cannot be found and he SWEARS that he must have left it at the gym. "You know I belong to a nice health club downtown..." Whatever the point of THAT was.

I continue... "Well, sir... since your registration is not signed, it is not valid per the fine print right here (pointing at the empty box) and since you cannot produce a valid photo ID, I cannot verify who you are..."

He about goes through the roof at this point, "DO I HAVE TO CALL MY MOTHERFUCKING LAWYER??!?!?!"

"If he can bring your drivers license here... sure."

His fists clench and he just about comes out the window, then I continue...

"But sir, that is really unnecessary at this point... as long as you SWEAR that this is your car..."

There's actually some spittle coming out of his mouth at this point. "OFFICER. I. SWEAR... ON A STACK OF BIBLES... THIS! IS! MY! CAR!"

"Ok, sir. Now that we're 1000% certain that this IS YOUR CAR... I figure you're the one responsible for the drivers side headlight not functioning..."

You'd think that I just kicked him in the nuts.
++++

I won't say that I NEVER write a ticket for a headlight infraction... but about 98% of the time I'm just trying to stir something up and the violator is cool and legal so he gets a warning. About 1% of the time, the violator is drunk, suspended, has a stack of warnings... so he earns a ticket or trip to jail based on his other issues. And the final 1% of the people are just assholes who literally talk themselves into a ticket

To make a long story short, I wrote three tickets to this guy. One for the headlight, one for the registration not being signed and one for not having a drivers license in possession.

I don't care what color asshole you are... you'll get the same great service that I afford to all assholes.