Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What's the Worse...

People are pathetic.

That's why their voice gets a little ring of glee when they just have to ask the cop, medic, firefighter... etc. "What's the worse thing you've ever seen?"

They want some cool story about body parts strewn across three lanes of traffic... or something to that effect.

What they don't realize is that we deal with life. Unfortunately life does not need blood and gore to qualify for the worse...

Last year it was knocking on a door at 5 AM New Years morning to tell the kids that their parents wouldn't be coming home...

Last week it was a dementia ridden 66 year old lady that had to be taken to the hospital on life support. Her 22 year old gran-daughter thought it was best to remove her from assisted living and stick her in the spare bedroom. Besides, she could make her rent that way.

"I wasn't supposed to be alone and 82..." Last night it was Virginia's cries that actually woke her neighbors at two in the morning. Her husband of 60 years had unexpectedly passed, leaving her with no direction, or even hope at this stage of her life.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

My Subpoena

So... I get this subpoena at work and have an automatic WTF? moment. It's from the next state over. Not just that but it's from the OTHER SIDE of the next state over and from the Workman's Compensation Board.

I look up the suspects information and I see that I arrested him for Battery, Domestic Battery, Battery on a Law Enforcement Officer and Resisting Arrest.

"Great!" I think as my mind flashes right towards the thought that I'm getting sued - AGAIN! Since the paperwork originated from the workman's compensation office I assume that this yahoo is out of work due to our scuffle.

I look the case up to refresh my memory... it happened over two years ago.

I called the lawyer that issued the subpoena in order to check in. She's in trial so I'm told to call back tomorrow. In the meantime I check my F.O.P. legal assistance paperwork to make sure I'm up to date. I am. I call our department lawyer to give him a heads up.

On Tuesday I call the lawyer again. She's "out of the office." I spend the day thinking about the guy... he was a construction worker... if he's been out of work for two years there will probably be some big figures getting discussed. I contact my personal lawyer and make sure all of my liability insurance is up to date.

On Wednesday, I find that the lawyer is in the office but with other clients. About lunch time she returns my call.

She wants to review the case with me over the phone:

"Officer, I see that you responded to a domestic violence call." I give her a quick synopsis from my copy of the report. Backyard barbecue gone bad type of thing.

"... and Mr. Suspect was involved in a fight?" I give her the bullet details... he was drunk, knocked his wife down, some family members intervened and the battle was on.

"... and Mr. Suspect fought with YOU?" Again, quick details... I was ON the street when the call came out, beat my backup by a mile. I found a mob in the front yard and threatened to pepper spray the whole damn dog pile. Everyone bailed but Mr. Suspect. He was sitting on his brother-in-laws chest pounding his face into hamburger. I opted to spare the spray and landed my size 15 boot to Mr. Suspects shoulder, sprawling him across the ground. Slight struggle getting him into cuffs but no big deal. The BIG deal was him kicking me in the shins while I was patting him down. Of course it cost him an express ride to a turf-eating pose.

"Was there any medical treatment?" The report clearly documents that I offered to call medics on three separate occasions during the booking procedure. He 'declined' by M-Fing me... apparently he calmed down at some point because he actually signed the refusal of treatment forms and claimed no injuries.

"...did Mr. Suspect use his right hand during the fight?" Wha....???? I think back and look at the digital photo prints on the report supplement. His wife has a blackened left eye, his brother-in-law took a majority of the blows to the left side of his face... and come to think about the way I approached him in the yard... he WAS using his right hand to deliver the blows...

"So I assume that this guy claims I hurt his right arm in the arrest?" I ask.

The lawyer seems shocked, then sort of laughs and apologizes when she realizes what I've been wondering for three days.

"You see, Officer, Mr. Suspect hurt his right shoulder in a work related accident five years ago. He CLAIMED that he could not move his arm, grip with his hand or exert any force with that side of his body. He won an out-of-court settlement with his employer and has been living on disability ever since." She then explained that they had a case for fraud in the works... they found out about his arrest recently and my report/testimony was going to be the icing on the cake.

VERY pleasant surprise considering I spent three days imagining myself in the poorhouse.

I guess we'll add another one to the 'Karma is a Bitch' file.

Friday, April 23, 2010

There's not as many 'victims' as you think...

I pulled onto River Drive last night and peered down Jefferson Boulevard.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... 14. 14!

GPS', Satellite Radio receivers, iPods, cellphones... From where I sat I could see 14 cars with glowing lights on their dashboards or windshields that indicated there was some little spiffy piece of electronics ripe for the taking.

C'mon people! If you're not going to watch out for yourselves... why should I??

Stuff like this gets me thinking about the whole 'victim' concept. And THAT thought usually dances in my head while I'm filling out forms that have places to list one person as the VICTIM.

If it was MY decision, I would just replace the word victim on our forms with a large blank space where I was free to label the person as I saw fit.

The teenager I knew as Bob has finally been listed as an Overdose Victim. It should have been: Snotty, dumbass rich kid who should have succeeded.

Margaret is listed as a Fraud Victim. I'd rather list her as a Stupid Lady that gave away her money. Her live-in boyfriend used her checkbook and ran out all of her savings. Margaret wasn't sure of his last name or his date of birth even though they had lived together for nine months.

Terry is in a wheelchair and listed as a Drunk Driving Victim. But since HE chose to drink all night before running his car into a tree... a simple title such as Dumbass should suffice.

A lady that I know as Betty is often listed as a Domestic Violence Victim. But I would rather label her as: The lady who chooses to be a punching bag. We've exhausted every resource on her and she will probably be a future homicide victim before the end of the year at the pace we're going.

Sure, there are some victims... but for the most part people who are called victim are actually people who have made poor decisions and are forced to pay the consequences of those decisions.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Cop Humor

I would love to use Tims nickname because the second you read it, you could picture him perfectly in your mind. Unfortunately, that would also blow my cover in this blog and probably result in some disciplinary situation, some new big brother-esque policies, unwanted publicity etc...

Tim thought he was SuperCop well before he became a real police officer. Sure, he's gung-ho (to a fault), well educated (from an unknown mail order college) and has impeccable tactics (even with 94 year old ladies in wheel chairs), but the one thing that you would never accuse Tim of is having people skills.

Sure he's bearable most of the time... you just have to ignore his constant militaristic staccato form of speech, his annoying habit of standing or sitting too perfectly and his ever existing need to inform you of the ways he could kill you right now if he wanted to.

But the TRULY annoying habit of Tim that I cannot ignore is his need to constantly compare himself to everyone and publicly critique all of us 'lesser officers' for our supposed short comings. I really get annoyed when he spouts on about ethical topics... sure, I'm actually a goody-goody and consider myself ethically on a very solid foundation. But Tim likes to touch on the subjects of FOP license plates, cops getting 'breaks' on traffic stops and stuff like that claiming that HE is morally opposed to getting FOP plates because HE doesn't want to be corrupted.

Tim likes to teach all of us old guys a lesson when he can.

That's why I just HAD to run Tim's license plate through our county system. I heard a rumor that he placed a note on his datafile indicating that the car was owned by a cop... and sure enough, HIS login tag was by the information box that stated (asterics and all) : ***VEHICLE OWNED BY OFFICER ______ OF THE _______ PD***

WOW! Talk about hypocrisy!!!

I wanted to bust him in front of everyone... but knowing Tim he'd just have some 'tactical' reason for putting the note in his file. I wanted to change the information but that would leave MY name in the login box...

What to do... what to do... I pondered the situation for about a week. I just had to look at the file once again... and there I saw it, HIS login name and the note: ***KNOWN DRUG TRAFFICKER - HIDES NARCOTICS IN BODY CAVITY***


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

It's all in the ATTITUDE!

Zig Zieglar has always been one of my favorite motivational speakers, I've actually been a fan of his since I was in junior high school and attribute a lot of my successes to how I have managed my attitude. I think some of the bad guys I come across should pay attention to ole Zig.


I arrested two different drunk drivers on Friday Night last week.

Michael was 23, never been in trouble a day in his life - he had actually run his SUV off of the roadway in a hurried attempt to pull over so that he could vomit. Didn't hit anyone but scared the hell out of traffic when he shot across the road and stopped in the grassy parkway.

Brian was 42, and was pulled over for travelling 70 mph in a posted 35 mph zone while bouncing off of curbs and weaving into oncoming traffic.

Michael was actually apologetic when talking to me, said things like: "I'm sorry." " could have really hurt someone..." "I made a mistake..." Michael completed the field sobriety tests (failed), and was pretty apologetic for 'wasting my time' when I took him in for the actual breath test. Michael made a point to tell me that he would offer NO trouble or resistance and asked for some understanding because he was physically ill from drinking... but he promised to comply the best that he could.

Brian... well... he was not as cooperative... sort of belligerent and a basic drunken douche bag. He acted like he did no wrong, told me that I should be catching REAL bad guys, and accused me of profiling him since the police in our town had arrested him last time for OWI. Brian made a mockery of the field sobriety tests claiming to have all sorts of debilitating ailments. I'm hoping that I get to show the video in court... or maybe I'll send it in to one of those TRU TV shows...

Michael sat quietly in booking, asked politely to use the phone so that he could call his boss and let him know about his situaiton. Made some small talk. Apologized some more. When it came time for the breath test, Michael supplied a breath sample in about 20 seconds (perfect) and scored a .13 BrAC. When I told him of his charges, Michael said "I guess I'll learn my lesson on this one..." Then he sat quietly in the holding cell while I finished processing him.

Brian name dropped about 20 people... never heard of a single one of them... was argumentative during the booking procedures making a 10 minute process a 30 minute process. When it came time for the breath test, Brian suddenly developed some mutant form of asthma, emphasema and tuberculosis that prevented him from supplying a breath sample. After three separate attempts I just logged him as 'Failure by Intentional Refusal.' I thought it was sort of funny that Brian could talk non-stop for 45 minutes then be short of breath just in time for the test! Afterwards Brian continued to display the power that his lungs actually possessed as he mother-fucked me from the cells while I completed the paperwork.

Brian and Michael shared a ride to central booking...

I was at central booking a couple of hours ago. The booking officers were joking about how I 'always arrest the nice guys.' It's true! I think my demeanor, philosophy and physical size help out a lot as 95% of the people I arrest just go with the flow and are actually quite pleasant to deal with, all things considering.

The booking officers told me that Michael had been so cooperative and downright nice that they moved him to the front of the line when they purged the drunk tank. He only spent about four hours in the jail.* [Due to overcrowding on the weekends they let non-violent offenders go home on their signature - drunks must have a responsible adult pick them up and sign a waiver]

I know, you're wondering how long Brian got held... well, as of now, it's about 101hours (just a smidge over FOUR DAYS!). It seems as though Brian was uncooperative during the booking procedures so the booking officers pushed him back to the next shift, then he pissed off that shift so THEY pushed him back... He can only be held 72 hours without a bond hearing so he went before the judge on Monday morning where he promptly 'motherfucked' his way into a 10 day sentence for contempt of court!

It's funny, with his good attitude I'm sure Michael will never even face formal charges for OWI. He'll get it plead down to a Reckless Possession of Alcohol or maybe even an Unsafe Driving charge - basically infractionary tickets. Brian on the other hand... I'm seeing a bus pass in HIS future!


Didn't realize a WHOLE MONTH had nearly passed since I last blogged on this site!

Sorry about that, a quick update - I START VACATION TOMORROW!! Actually in about 2 hours so I'm being rather productive for my final shift - NOT!!! Nothing really planned except for yard & housework for the next 14 days, maybe a couple of day trips with my wife besides that, gonna work on the home biz stuff and some of my woodworking hobby stuff.

Let me see if I can update you on some of the weird, outrageous, f-ed up stuff that I have found to be a normal part of my life...