Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
What's the Worse...
People are pathetic.
That's why their voice gets a little ring of glee when they just have to ask the cop, medic, firefighter... etc. "What's the worse thing you've ever seen?"
They want some cool story about body parts strewn across three lanes of traffic... or something to that effect.
What they don't realize is that we deal with life. Unfortunately life does not need blood and gore to qualify for the worse...
Last year it was knocking on a door at 5 AM New Years morning to tell the kids that their parents wouldn't be coming home...
Last week it was a dementia ridden 66 year old lady that had to be taken to the hospital on life support. Her 22 year old gran-daughter thought it was best to remove her from assisted living and stick her in the spare bedroom. Besides, she could make her rent that way.
"I wasn't supposed to be alone and 82..." Last night it was Virginia's cries that actually woke her neighbors at two in the morning. Her husband of 60 years had unexpectedly passed, leaving her with no direction, or even hope at this stage of her life.
That's why their voice gets a little ring of glee when they just have to ask the cop, medic, firefighter... etc. "What's the worse thing you've ever seen?"
They want some cool story about body parts strewn across three lanes of traffic... or something to that effect.
What they don't realize is that we deal with life. Unfortunately life does not need blood and gore to qualify for the worse...
Last year it was knocking on a door at 5 AM New Years morning to tell the kids that their parents wouldn't be coming home...
Last week it was a dementia ridden 66 year old lady that had to be taken to the hospital on life support. Her 22 year old gran-daughter thought it was best to remove her from assisted living and stick her in the spare bedroom. Besides, she could make her rent that way.
"I wasn't supposed to be alone and 82..." Last night it was Virginia's cries that actually woke her neighbors at two in the morning. Her husband of 60 years had unexpectedly passed, leaving her with no direction, or even hope at this stage of her life.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My Subpoena
So... I get this subpoena at work and have an automatic WTF? moment. It's from the next state over. Not just that but it's from the OTHER SIDE of the next state over and from the Workman's Compensation Board.
I look up the suspects information and I see that I arrested him for Battery, Domestic Battery, Battery on a Law Enforcement Officer and Resisting Arrest.
"Great!" I think as my mind flashes right towards the thought that I'm getting sued - AGAIN! Since the paperwork originated from the workman's compensation office I assume that this yahoo is out of work due to our scuffle.
I look the case up to refresh my memory... it happened over two years ago.
I called the lawyer that issued the subpoena in order to check in. She's in trial so I'm told to call back tomorrow. In the meantime I check my F.O.P. legal assistance paperwork to make sure I'm up to date. I am. I call our department lawyer to give him a heads up.
On Tuesday I call the lawyer again. She's "out of the office." I spend the day thinking about the guy... he was a construction worker... if he's been out of work for two years there will probably be some big figures getting discussed. I contact my personal lawyer and make sure all of my liability insurance is up to date.
On Wednesday, I find that the lawyer is in the office but with other clients. About lunch time she returns my call.
She wants to review the case with me over the phone:
"Officer, I see that you responded to a domestic violence call." I give her a quick synopsis from my copy of the report. Backyard barbecue gone bad type of thing.
"... and Mr. Suspect was involved in a fight?" I give her the bullet details... he was drunk, knocked his wife down, some family members intervened and the battle was on.
"... and Mr. Suspect fought with YOU?" Again, quick details... I was ON the street when the call came out, beat my backup by a mile. I found a mob in the front yard and threatened to pepper spray the whole damn dog pile. Everyone bailed but Mr. Suspect. He was sitting on his brother-in-laws chest pounding his face into hamburger. I opted to spare the spray and landed my size 15 boot to Mr. Suspects shoulder, sprawling him across the ground. Slight struggle getting him into cuffs but no big deal. The BIG deal was him kicking me in the shins while I was patting him down. Of course it cost him an express ride to a turf-eating pose.
"Was there any medical treatment?" The report clearly documents that I offered to call medics on three separate occasions during the booking procedure. He 'declined' by M-Fing me... apparently he calmed down at some point because he actually signed the refusal of treatment forms and claimed no injuries.
"...did Mr. Suspect use his right hand during the fight?" Wha....???? I think back and look at the digital photo prints on the report supplement. His wife has a blackened left eye, his brother-in-law took a majority of the blows to the left side of his face... and come to think about the way I approached him in the yard... he WAS using his right hand to deliver the blows...
"So I assume that this guy claims I hurt his right arm in the arrest?" I ask.
The lawyer seems shocked, then sort of laughs and apologizes when she realizes what I've been wondering for three days.
"You see, Officer, Mr. Suspect hurt his right shoulder in a work related accident five years ago. He CLAIMED that he could not move his arm, grip with his hand or exert any force with that side of his body. He won an out-of-court settlement with his employer and has been living on disability ever since." She then explained that they had a case for fraud in the works... they found out about his arrest recently and my report/testimony was going to be the icing on the cake.
VERY pleasant surprise considering I spent three days imagining myself in the poorhouse.
I guess we'll add another one to the 'Karma is a Bitch' file.
I look up the suspects information and I see that I arrested him for Battery, Domestic Battery, Battery on a Law Enforcement Officer and Resisting Arrest.
"Great!" I think as my mind flashes right towards the thought that I'm getting sued - AGAIN! Since the paperwork originated from the workman's compensation office I assume that this yahoo is out of work due to our scuffle.
I look the case up to refresh my memory... it happened over two years ago.
I called the lawyer that issued the subpoena in order to check in. She's in trial so I'm told to call back tomorrow. In the meantime I check my F.O.P. legal assistance paperwork to make sure I'm up to date. I am. I call our department lawyer to give him a heads up.
On Tuesday I call the lawyer again. She's "out of the office." I spend the day thinking about the guy... he was a construction worker... if he's been out of work for two years there will probably be some big figures getting discussed. I contact my personal lawyer and make sure all of my liability insurance is up to date.
On Wednesday, I find that the lawyer is in the office but with other clients. About lunch time she returns my call.
She wants to review the case with me over the phone:
"Officer, I see that you responded to a domestic violence call." I give her a quick synopsis from my copy of the report. Backyard barbecue gone bad type of thing.
"... and Mr. Suspect was involved in a fight?" I give her the bullet details... he was drunk, knocked his wife down, some family members intervened and the battle was on.
"... and Mr. Suspect fought with YOU?" Again, quick details... I was ON the street when the call came out, beat my backup by a mile. I found a mob in the front yard and threatened to pepper spray the whole damn dog pile. Everyone bailed but Mr. Suspect. He was sitting on his brother-in-laws chest pounding his face into hamburger. I opted to spare the spray and landed my size 15 boot to Mr. Suspects shoulder, sprawling him across the ground. Slight struggle getting him into cuffs but no big deal. The BIG deal was him kicking me in the shins while I was patting him down. Of course it cost him an express ride to a turf-eating pose.
"Was there any medical treatment?" The report clearly documents that I offered to call medics on three separate occasions during the booking procedure. He 'declined' by M-Fing me... apparently he calmed down at some point because he actually signed the refusal of treatment forms and claimed no injuries.
"...did Mr. Suspect use his right hand during the fight?" Wha....???? I think back and look at the digital photo prints on the report supplement. His wife has a blackened left eye, his brother-in-law took a majority of the blows to the left side of his face... and come to think about the way I approached him in the yard... he WAS using his right hand to deliver the blows...
"So I assume that this guy claims I hurt his right arm in the arrest?" I ask.
The lawyer seems shocked, then sort of laughs and apologizes when she realizes what I've been wondering for three days.
"You see, Officer, Mr. Suspect hurt his right shoulder in a work related accident five years ago. He CLAIMED that he could not move his arm, grip with his hand or exert any force with that side of his body. He won an out-of-court settlement with his employer and has been living on disability ever since." She then explained that they had a case for fraud in the works... they found out about his arrest recently and my report/testimony was going to be the icing on the cake.
VERY pleasant surprise considering I spent three days imagining myself in the poorhouse.
I guess we'll add another one to the 'Karma is a Bitch' file.
Friday, April 23, 2010
There's not as many 'victims' as you think...
I pulled onto River Drive last night and peered down Jefferson Boulevard.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... 14. 14!
GPS', Satellite Radio receivers, iPods, cellphones... From where I sat I could see 14 cars with glowing lights on their dashboards or windshields that indicated there was some little spiffy piece of electronics ripe for the taking.
C'mon people! If you're not going to watch out for yourselves... why should I??
Stuff like this gets me thinking about the whole 'victim' concept. And THAT thought usually dances in my head while I'm filling out forms that have places to list one person as the VICTIM.
If it was MY decision, I would just replace the word victim on our forms with a large blank space where I was free to label the person as I saw fit.
The teenager I knew as Bob has finally been listed as an Overdose Victim. It should have been: Snotty, dumbass rich kid who should have succeeded.
Margaret is listed as a Fraud Victim. I'd rather list her as a Stupid Lady that gave away her money. Her live-in boyfriend used her checkbook and ran out all of her savings. Margaret wasn't sure of his last name or his date of birth even though they had lived together for nine months.
Terry is in a wheelchair and listed as a Drunk Driving Victim. But since HE chose to drink all night before running his car into a tree... a simple title such as Dumbass should suffice.
A lady that I know as Betty is often listed as a Domestic Violence Victim. But I would rather label her as: The lady who chooses to be a punching bag. We've exhausted every resource on her and she will probably be a future homicide victim before the end of the year at the pace we're going.
Sure, there are some victims... but for the most part people who are called victim are actually people who have made poor decisions and are forced to pay the consequences of those decisions.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... 14. 14!
GPS', Satellite Radio receivers, iPods, cellphones... From where I sat I could see 14 cars with glowing lights on their dashboards or windshields that indicated there was some little spiffy piece of electronics ripe for the taking.
C'mon people! If you're not going to watch out for yourselves... why should I??
Stuff like this gets me thinking about the whole 'victim' concept. And THAT thought usually dances in my head while I'm filling out forms that have places to list one person as the VICTIM.
If it was MY decision, I would just replace the word victim on our forms with a large blank space where I was free to label the person as I saw fit.
The teenager I knew as Bob has finally been listed as an Overdose Victim. It should have been: Snotty, dumbass rich kid who should have succeeded.
Margaret is listed as a Fraud Victim. I'd rather list her as a Stupid Lady that gave away her money. Her live-in boyfriend used her checkbook and ran out all of her savings. Margaret wasn't sure of his last name or his date of birth even though they had lived together for nine months.
Terry is in a wheelchair and listed as a Drunk Driving Victim. But since HE chose to drink all night before running his car into a tree... a simple title such as Dumbass should suffice.
A lady that I know as Betty is often listed as a Domestic Violence Victim. But I would rather label her as: The lady who chooses to be a punching bag. We've exhausted every resource on her and she will probably be a future homicide victim before the end of the year at the pace we're going.
Sure, there are some victims... but for the most part people who are called victim are actually people who have made poor decisions and are forced to pay the consequences of those decisions.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Cop Humor
I would love to use Tims nickname because the second you read it, you could picture him perfectly in your mind. Unfortunately, that would also blow my cover in this blog and probably result in some disciplinary situation, some new big brother-esque policies, unwanted publicity etc...
Tim thought he was SuperCop well before he became a real police officer. Sure, he's gung-ho (to a fault), well educated (from an unknown mail order college) and has impeccable tactics (even with 94 year old ladies in wheel chairs), but the one thing that you would never accuse Tim of is having people skills.
Sure he's bearable most of the time... you just have to ignore his constant militaristic staccato form of speech, his annoying habit of standing or sitting too perfectly and his ever existing need to inform you of the ways he could kill you right now if he wanted to.
But the TRULY annoying habit of Tim that I cannot ignore is his need to constantly compare himself to everyone and publicly critique all of us 'lesser officers' for our supposed short comings. I really get annoyed when he spouts on about ethical topics... sure, I'm actually a goody-goody and consider myself ethically on a very solid foundation. But Tim likes to touch on the subjects of FOP license plates, cops getting 'breaks' on traffic stops and stuff like that claiming that HE is morally opposed to getting FOP plates because HE doesn't want to be corrupted.
Tim likes to teach all of us old guys a lesson when he can.
That's why I just HAD to run Tim's license plate through our county system. I heard a rumor that he placed a note on his datafile indicating that the car was owned by a cop... and sure enough, HIS login tag was by the information box that stated (asterics and all) : ***VEHICLE OWNED BY OFFICER ______ OF THE _______ PD***
WOW! Talk about hypocrisy!!!
I wanted to bust him in front of everyone... but knowing Tim he'd just have some 'tactical' reason for putting the note in his file. I wanted to change the information but that would leave MY name in the login box...
What to do... what to do... I pondered the situation for about a week. I just had to look at the file once again... and there I saw it, HIS login name and the note: ***KNOWN DRUG TRAFFICKER - HIDES NARCOTICS IN BODY CAVITY***
My lesson for Tim... ALWAYS LOG YOURSELF OFF THE COMPUTER BEFORE YOU GO HOME!
Tim thought he was SuperCop well before he became a real police officer. Sure, he's gung-ho (to a fault), well educated (from an unknown mail order college) and has impeccable tactics (even with 94 year old ladies in wheel chairs), but the one thing that you would never accuse Tim of is having people skills.
Sure he's bearable most of the time... you just have to ignore his constant militaristic staccato form of speech, his annoying habit of standing or sitting too perfectly and his ever existing need to inform you of the ways he could kill you right now if he wanted to.
But the TRULY annoying habit of Tim that I cannot ignore is his need to constantly compare himself to everyone and publicly critique all of us 'lesser officers' for our supposed short comings. I really get annoyed when he spouts on about ethical topics... sure, I'm actually a goody-goody and consider myself ethically on a very solid foundation. But Tim likes to touch on the subjects of FOP license plates, cops getting 'breaks' on traffic stops and stuff like that claiming that HE is morally opposed to getting FOP plates because HE doesn't want to be corrupted.
Tim likes to teach all of us old guys a lesson when he can.
That's why I just HAD to run Tim's license plate through our county system. I heard a rumor that he placed a note on his datafile indicating that the car was owned by a cop... and sure enough, HIS login tag was by the information box that stated (asterics and all) : ***VEHICLE OWNED BY OFFICER ______ OF THE _______ PD***
WOW! Talk about hypocrisy!!!
I wanted to bust him in front of everyone... but knowing Tim he'd just have some 'tactical' reason for putting the note in his file. I wanted to change the information but that would leave MY name in the login box...
What to do... what to do... I pondered the situation for about a week. I just had to look at the file once again... and there I saw it, HIS login name and the note: ***KNOWN DRUG TRAFFICKER - HIDES NARCOTICS IN BODY CAVITY***
My lesson for Tim... ALWAYS LOG YOURSELF OFF THE COMPUTER BEFORE YOU GO HOME!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
It's all in the ATTITUDE!
Zig Zieglar has always been one of my favorite motivational speakers, I've actually been a fan of his since I was in junior high school and attribute a lot of my successes to how I have managed my attitude. I think some of the bad guys I come across should pay attention to ole Zig.
*****
I arrested two different drunk drivers on Friday Night last week.
Michael was 23, never been in trouble a day in his life - he had actually run his SUV off of the roadway in a hurried attempt to pull over so that he could vomit. Didn't hit anyone but scared the hell out of traffic when he shot across the road and stopped in the grassy parkway.
Brian was 42, and was pulled over for travelling 70 mph in a posted 35 mph zone while bouncing off of curbs and weaving into oncoming traffic.
Michael was actually apologetic when talking to me, said things like: "I'm sorry." " could have really hurt someone..." "I made a mistake..." Michael completed the field sobriety tests (failed), and was pretty apologetic for 'wasting my time' when I took him in for the actual breath test. Michael made a point to tell me that he would offer NO trouble or resistance and asked for some understanding because he was physically ill from drinking... but he promised to comply the best that he could.
Brian... well... he was not as cooperative... sort of belligerent and a basic drunken douche bag. He acted like he did no wrong, told me that I should be catching REAL bad guys, and accused me of profiling him since the police in our town had arrested him last time for OWI. Brian made a mockery of the field sobriety tests claiming to have all sorts of debilitating ailments. I'm hoping that I get to show the video in court... or maybe I'll send it in to one of those TRU TV shows...
Michael sat quietly in booking, asked politely to use the phone so that he could call his boss and let him know about his situaiton. Made some small talk. Apologized some more. When it came time for the breath test, Michael supplied a breath sample in about 20 seconds (perfect) and scored a .13 BrAC. When I told him of his charges, Michael said "I guess I'll learn my lesson on this one..." Then he sat quietly in the holding cell while I finished processing him.
Brian name dropped about 20 people... never heard of a single one of them... was argumentative during the booking procedures making a 10 minute process a 30 minute process. When it came time for the breath test, Brian suddenly developed some mutant form of asthma, emphasema and tuberculosis that prevented him from supplying a breath sample. After three separate attempts I just logged him as 'Failure by Intentional Refusal.' I thought it was sort of funny that Brian could talk non-stop for 45 minutes then be short of breath just in time for the test! Afterwards Brian continued to display the power that his lungs actually possessed as he mother-fucked me from the cells while I completed the paperwork.
Brian and Michael shared a ride to central booking...
*****
I was at central booking a couple of hours ago. The booking officers were joking about how I 'always arrest the nice guys.' It's true! I think my demeanor, philosophy and physical size help out a lot as 95% of the people I arrest just go with the flow and are actually quite pleasant to deal with, all things considering.
The booking officers told me that Michael had been so cooperative and downright nice that they moved him to the front of the line when they purged the drunk tank. He only spent about four hours in the jail.* [Due to overcrowding on the weekends they let non-violent offenders go home on their signature - drunks must have a responsible adult pick them up and sign a waiver]
I know, you're wondering how long Brian got held... well, as of now, it's about 101hours (just a smidge over FOUR DAYS!). It seems as though Brian was uncooperative during the booking procedures so the booking officers pushed him back to the next shift, then he pissed off that shift so THEY pushed him back... He can only be held 72 hours without a bond hearing so he went before the judge on Monday morning where he promptly 'motherfucked' his way into a 10 day sentence for contempt of court!
It's funny, with his good attitude I'm sure Michael will never even face formal charges for OWI. He'll get it plead down to a Reckless Possession of Alcohol or maybe even an Unsafe Driving charge - basically infractionary tickets. Brian on the other hand... I'm seeing a bus pass in HIS future!
*****
I arrested two different drunk drivers on Friday Night last week.
Michael was 23, never been in trouble a day in his life - he had actually run his SUV off of the roadway in a hurried attempt to pull over so that he could vomit. Didn't hit anyone but scared the hell out of traffic when he shot across the road and stopped in the grassy parkway.
Brian was 42, and was pulled over for travelling 70 mph in a posted 35 mph zone while bouncing off of curbs and weaving into oncoming traffic.
Michael was actually apologetic when talking to me, said things like: "I'm sorry." " could have really hurt someone..." "I made a mistake..." Michael completed the field sobriety tests (failed), and was pretty apologetic for 'wasting my time' when I took him in for the actual breath test. Michael made a point to tell me that he would offer NO trouble or resistance and asked for some understanding because he was physically ill from drinking... but he promised to comply the best that he could.
Brian... well... he was not as cooperative... sort of belligerent and a basic drunken douche bag. He acted like he did no wrong, told me that I should be catching REAL bad guys, and accused me of profiling him since the police in our town had arrested him last time for OWI. Brian made a mockery of the field sobriety tests claiming to have all sorts of debilitating ailments. I'm hoping that I get to show the video in court... or maybe I'll send it in to one of those TRU TV shows...
Michael sat quietly in booking, asked politely to use the phone so that he could call his boss and let him know about his situaiton. Made some small talk. Apologized some more. When it came time for the breath test, Michael supplied a breath sample in about 20 seconds (perfect) and scored a .13 BrAC. When I told him of his charges, Michael said "I guess I'll learn my lesson on this one..." Then he sat quietly in the holding cell while I finished processing him.
Brian name dropped about 20 people... never heard of a single one of them... was argumentative during the booking procedures making a 10 minute process a 30 minute process. When it came time for the breath test, Brian suddenly developed some mutant form of asthma, emphasema and tuberculosis that prevented him from supplying a breath sample. After three separate attempts I just logged him as 'Failure by Intentional Refusal.' I thought it was sort of funny that Brian could talk non-stop for 45 minutes then be short of breath just in time for the test! Afterwards Brian continued to display the power that his lungs actually possessed as he mother-fucked me from the cells while I completed the paperwork.
Brian and Michael shared a ride to central booking...
*****
I was at central booking a couple of hours ago. The booking officers were joking about how I 'always arrest the nice guys.' It's true! I think my demeanor, philosophy and physical size help out a lot as 95% of the people I arrest just go with the flow and are actually quite pleasant to deal with, all things considering.
The booking officers told me that Michael had been so cooperative and downright nice that they moved him to the front of the line when they purged the drunk tank. He only spent about four hours in the jail.* [Due to overcrowding on the weekends they let non-violent offenders go home on their signature - drunks must have a responsible adult pick them up and sign a waiver]
I know, you're wondering how long Brian got held... well, as of now, it's about 101hours (just a smidge over FOUR DAYS!). It seems as though Brian was uncooperative during the booking procedures so the booking officers pushed him back to the next shift, then he pissed off that shift so THEY pushed him back... He can only be held 72 hours without a bond hearing so he went before the judge on Monday morning where he promptly 'motherfucked' his way into a 10 day sentence for contempt of court!
It's funny, with his good attitude I'm sure Michael will never even face formal charges for OWI. He'll get it plead down to a Reckless Possession of Alcohol or maybe even an Unsafe Driving charge - basically infractionary tickets. Brian on the other hand... I'm seeing a bus pass in HIS future!
WOW!!
Didn't realize a WHOLE MONTH had nearly passed since I last blogged on this site!
Sorry about that, a quick update - I START VACATION TOMORROW!! Actually in about 2 hours so I'm being rather productive for my final shift - NOT!!! Nothing really planned except for yard & housework for the next 14 days, maybe a couple of day trips with my wife besides that, gonna work on the home biz stuff and some of my woodworking hobby stuff.
Let me see if I can update you on some of the weird, outrageous, f-ed up stuff that I have found to be a normal part of my life...
Sorry about that, a quick update - I START VACATION TOMORROW!! Actually in about 2 hours so I'm being rather productive for my final shift - NOT!!! Nothing really planned except for yard & housework for the next 14 days, maybe a couple of day trips with my wife besides that, gonna work on the home biz stuff and some of my woodworking hobby stuff.
Let me see if I can update you on some of the weird, outrageous, f-ed up stuff that I have found to be a normal part of my life...
Monday, March 15, 2010
Conversation of the Week
The classic 0300 traffic stop. Headlight out.
But at this time of the AM you I never know if the driver is going to be one of the unlucky ones trying to pilot his way home from the bar... or the newspaper delivery people who bust their humps every day trying to earn a dollar.
The car is a shitbox, so I'm leaning towards the latter as I approach...
I begin my speech, "Sir, the reason I've pulled you over tonight is because your drivers side headlight is out..."
Before I finish the verbal judo banter, the driver chimes in: "I no speak English."
Greeeeeeeeat...
"Drivers li-cense and reg-is-tra-tion" Those words are cognates, whereas they sound just like the spanish version: Licensio and registracion
He gives me the documents, that goofy grin and repeats, : "I.. NO SPEAK... English"
"Yes sir... well, your drivers side headlight is out, were you aware of that? Or did it just go out...?"
"Officer... please sir... NO ENGLISH..."
"Well you know that you're responsible for having all of your motor vehicle equipment in working order... is your drivers license valid? Any recent citations?"
He points at his license that I'm holding... "Drivers license... yes... NO ENGLISH."
I return to my car, check his background and scribble out the citation.
Back at his drivers side window I explain the procedures, "Sir, here is a ticket for your headlight violation... you have three options, you can request a court date, pay the fine or apply for the deferral program - "
Son of a bitch interrupts me again, "Ticket? But I don't... understand... English..."
"Yes sir, I understand that... and I figure that if you can't speak English, then you probably won't be able to fight this ticket in court so you'll end up just paying it... not really my problem."
He gasps before he starts his rant, "You can't do that! That's RACISM! That's PROFILING! Total BULLSHIT! Just because I don't speak English?!?!?!
He's huffing and puffing as he stares at me...
I just stare back...
He GLARES at me...
I just smile back... well more like a shit-eating grin...
Mr. No Hable grimaces as he figures it out...
"Let's just call this a $78. English lesson," I drop the ticket into his lap before walking back to my car.
----
And how did I know that the 'No Hable' thing was BS??? Simple, I recognized Raul just as he started to talk to me. He's been working behind the counter at a local gas station for the past couple of years, don't think he recognized me in uniform... but I'll be sure to test that bastards English next time I see him!
But at this time of the AM you I never know if the driver is going to be one of the unlucky ones trying to pilot his way home from the bar... or the newspaper delivery people who bust their humps every day trying to earn a dollar.
The car is a shitbox, so I'm leaning towards the latter as I approach...
I begin my speech, "Sir, the reason I've pulled you over tonight is because your drivers side headlight is out..."
Before I finish the verbal judo banter, the driver chimes in: "I no speak English."
Greeeeeeeeat...
"Drivers li-cense and reg-is-tra-tion" Those words are cognates, whereas they sound just like the spanish version: Licensio and registracion
He gives me the documents, that goofy grin and repeats, : "I.. NO SPEAK... English"
"Yes sir... well, your drivers side headlight is out, were you aware of that? Or did it just go out...?"
"Officer... please sir... NO ENGLISH..."
"Well you know that you're responsible for having all of your motor vehicle equipment in working order... is your drivers license valid? Any recent citations?"
He points at his license that I'm holding... "Drivers license... yes... NO ENGLISH."
I return to my car, check his background and scribble out the citation.
Back at his drivers side window I explain the procedures, "Sir, here is a ticket for your headlight violation... you have three options, you can request a court date, pay the fine or apply for the deferral program - "
Son of a bitch interrupts me again, "Ticket? But I don't... understand... English..."
"Yes sir, I understand that... and I figure that if you can't speak English, then you probably won't be able to fight this ticket in court so you'll end up just paying it... not really my problem."
He gasps before he starts his rant, "You can't do that! That's RACISM! That's PROFILING! Total BULLSHIT! Just because I don't speak English?!?!?!
He's huffing and puffing as he stares at me...
I just stare back...
He GLARES at me...
I just smile back... well more like a shit-eating grin...
Mr. No Hable grimaces as he figures it out...
"Let's just call this a $78. English lesson," I drop the ticket into his lap before walking back to my car.
----
And how did I know that the 'No Hable' thing was BS??? Simple, I recognized Raul just as he started to talk to me. He's been working behind the counter at a local gas station for the past couple of years, don't think he recognized me in uniform... but I'll be sure to test that bastards English next time I see him!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Failure of Statistical Policing
Quota's are illegal in police work.
'Performance Standards' are not.
A performance standard is a quantitative value that the administration determines. This value is supposed to tell the brass and elected officials if a police officer is doing his job to a satisfactory level by the amount of data that is compiled.
Since it is impossible to place a value on variable police work (things we have no control over) such as calls for service, vehicle crash responses, etc... The administration places emphasis on officer initiated actions such as traffic stops, business checks and citizen contacts.
Sounds good, until you look at some of the aftermath.
Joe is a veteran patrol officer. Although some political BS has marred a couple points of his career... he is an officer's officer. If Joe hears another officer dispatched to a call and Joe happens to be closer - Joe takes the call. If Joe gets a call at five minutes before his break - Joe puts his break on hold. If another officer needs anything - that officer knows he is welcomed to talk to Joe.
Here are Joe's Stats for January 2010:
Business Checks: 180%
Positive Citizen Contacts: 140%
Seatbelt Enforcement: 200%
Moving Violations: 140%
Non Moving Violations: 120%
Written Warnings: 94%
Things that were not on the statistical scoreboard: Joe was the second one to an officer needs assistance call, even though he was the furthest away. Joe covered 40% of the shifts calls for service even though he is part of an 8 man crew. Joe completed 6 cases as an evidence technician.
Joe received an official reprimand for 'Failure of Duty' because his written warnings were 6% short.
'Performance Standards' are not.
A performance standard is a quantitative value that the administration determines. This value is supposed to tell the brass and elected officials if a police officer is doing his job to a satisfactory level by the amount of data that is compiled.
Since it is impossible to place a value on variable police work (things we have no control over) such as calls for service, vehicle crash responses, etc... The administration places emphasis on officer initiated actions such as traffic stops, business checks and citizen contacts.
Sounds good, until you look at some of the aftermath.
Joe is a veteran patrol officer. Although some political BS has marred a couple points of his career... he is an officer's officer. If Joe hears another officer dispatched to a call and Joe happens to be closer - Joe takes the call. If Joe gets a call at five minutes before his break - Joe puts his break on hold. If another officer needs anything - that officer knows he is welcomed to talk to Joe.
Here are Joe's Stats for January 2010:
Business Checks: 180%
Positive Citizen Contacts: 140%
Seatbelt Enforcement: 200%
Moving Violations: 140%
Non Moving Violations: 120%
Written Warnings: 94%
Things that were not on the statistical scoreboard: Joe was the second one to an officer needs assistance call, even though he was the furthest away. Joe covered 40% of the shifts calls for service even though he is part of an 8 man crew. Joe completed 6 cases as an evidence technician.
Joe received an official reprimand for 'Failure of Duty' because his written warnings were 6% short.
Friday, February 5, 2010
I See a War with the Nurses Brewing...
Sooooo... my partner makes a traffic stop across town from my beat. I mosey his direction but he clears after issuing a citation before I arrive. Immediately after his stop is over, he's on the air asking for a Sgt. to 'Signal 8' (meet him) in a nearby parking lot. I hear the Sgt. get there... few minutes later the Sgt. is asking the dispatcher to leave a message for our techs to pull my partner's digital video in the morning. I'm assigned to cover my partners beat while he is 'busy with paperwork for a while.'
Oooooooooo... must be gooooood! :)
While I'm covering the second zone, the GPS shows that the duo spend some time at the station... then go to the hospital... Hmmmmmm...
THEN they go back to the station for 30 mins... I'm like a teenage girl waiting on the days hot gossip!
Finally - my partner clears and I'm released from my double duty. I immediately request a signal 8 of my own.
He shows me his video:
Seems like he was at a red light, and when it turned green he began to pull out but saw a car coming that was about to blow it's fresh red. The car hit the intersection at about 30 mph and made a HARD right hand turn, directly in front of my partner.
Of course a traffic stop ensues... before he even gets a word out of his mouth the lady in the car asks, "What's YOUR problem?" in a pretty harsh tone.
Now my partner is a master at sarcasm but he actually kept a lid on it for once and just said, "Ma'am... my 'problem' is that you failed to stop for your red light and nearly caused a collision..."
"Oh you're full of shit!" says the female voice from within the car. "I hit my brakes and you were so far back that there was no WAY I was going to hit you."
"Regardless, ma'am... you are required to make a full stop before continuing if you wish to make a right turn on a red light... can I see your drivers license and registration, please?" Our community is 90% well-to-do and upper crust so our professionalism is always being touted. I must say that I was actually pleasantly surprised at my partner for keeping his cool - but then again, he IS used to being on video...
"YOU DON'T NEED MY DRIVERS LICENSE, DON'T YOU SEE THIS?" again from the drivers window. My partner tells me that the lady points at the hospital ID clipped to the front of her scrubs.
"Yes ma'am... I see the hospital ID card... your DRIVERS LICENSE is similar in that it has your picture but it also has some other information that I need... most people keep them in their wallets..." I knew he couldn't keep the sarcasm in check for long... :)
There's some mumbling from within the vehicle then, "HERE!" a hand shoots out holding the DL.
My partner takes the DL and asks the driver to remain seated until he returns... she says something that I couldn't figure out as he walks away.
The partner returns to her car with a ticket in his hand.
"What?!?!?! You've GOT to be joking!"
He explains that he isn't...
"Are you SURE you want to do this?" She asks
He explains that it's already done.
"Well it's your funeral, sweetheart," from inside the car.
WHOA! He takes special attention and just says, "EXCUSE ME?"
"Give ME a ticket motherfucker? I'll be sure to remember that the next time you or one of your guys comes into MY E.R.... I'll be the one laughing while you lay on the cot dying."
I can tell that he want's to yank her out the vent window by her nostril, "YOU DO REALIZE THAT THIS TRAFFIC STOP IS BEING RECORDED, DON'T YOU????"
"Like I give a shit! Just remember WHO's in CHARGE once you pass those hospital doors... ASSHOLE. Give ME a ticket??? I guarantee you that if you or any of yours come to MY ER... you may as well call the undertaker - that's all I'm saying."
"Ma'am... threatening a police officer who is lawfully engaged in his duties is a FELONY in this state... you can leave now or I may place you under arrest..."
"HA!" says the bitch from inside the car. "Whatever!" and she peels away from the traffic stop, causing my partner to leap back from her car.
Of course, in the days before video this bitch would be visiting her own ER within minutes of the first sideways phrase that shot out of her mouth.
But today, the kindler, gentler police force that we are handles things a bit differently.
The sarge called the brass to give them a heads up, my partner wrote a report covering the threats... THEN the two went to the hospital where the charge nurse who manages the midnight shift was briefed and allowed to view the video with the officers. She assured my guys that there would be an IMMEDIATE disciplinary measure... she actually called the nurse at home in front of them and informed her that she was on 'Executive Leave' pending a complaint investigation, but did not give her any other details.
The charge nurse also called the nurses state licensing board (again in my guys presence - pretty cool) and suggested a suspension of her license.
Now, I guess the plan is that the detectives will complete some felony charging affidavits and attempt to get a warrant ASAP in the morning. The nurse apparently has a preliminary meeting with the hospital admins set for 10 am... our dicks want to be there with a warrant and perp walk her out of the hospital in order to make an impression.
Maybe I should make an 'anonymous' call to the paper to make sure the pics hit the print for Saturdays paper... Hmmmmmmm ;)
Regardless of what exactly happens later today... SHOULD BE INTERESTING!!!
Oooooooooo... must be gooooood! :)
While I'm covering the second zone, the GPS shows that the duo spend some time at the station... then go to the hospital... Hmmmmmm...
THEN they go back to the station for 30 mins... I'm like a teenage girl waiting on the days hot gossip!
Finally - my partner clears and I'm released from my double duty. I immediately request a signal 8 of my own.
He shows me his video:
Seems like he was at a red light, and when it turned green he began to pull out but saw a car coming that was about to blow it's fresh red. The car hit the intersection at about 30 mph and made a HARD right hand turn, directly in front of my partner.
Of course a traffic stop ensues... before he even gets a word out of his mouth the lady in the car asks, "What's YOUR problem?" in a pretty harsh tone.
Now my partner is a master at sarcasm but he actually kept a lid on it for once and just said, "Ma'am... my 'problem' is that you failed to stop for your red light and nearly caused a collision..."
"Oh you're full of shit!" says the female voice from within the car. "I hit my brakes and you were so far back that there was no WAY I was going to hit you."
"Regardless, ma'am... you are required to make a full stop before continuing if you wish to make a right turn on a red light... can I see your drivers license and registration, please?" Our community is 90% well-to-do and upper crust so our professionalism is always being touted. I must say that I was actually pleasantly surprised at my partner for keeping his cool - but then again, he IS used to being on video...
"YOU DON'T NEED MY DRIVERS LICENSE, DON'T YOU SEE THIS?" again from the drivers window. My partner tells me that the lady points at the hospital ID clipped to the front of her scrubs.
"Yes ma'am... I see the hospital ID card... your DRIVERS LICENSE is similar in that it has your picture but it also has some other information that I need... most people keep them in their wallets..." I knew he couldn't keep the sarcasm in check for long... :)
There's some mumbling from within the vehicle then, "HERE!" a hand shoots out holding the DL.
My partner takes the DL and asks the driver to remain seated until he returns... she says something that I couldn't figure out as he walks away.
The partner returns to her car with a ticket in his hand.
"What?!?!?! You've GOT to be joking!"
He explains that he isn't...
"Are you SURE you want to do this?" She asks
He explains that it's already done.
"Well it's your funeral, sweetheart," from inside the car.
WHOA! He takes special attention and just says, "EXCUSE ME?"
"Give ME a ticket motherfucker? I'll be sure to remember that the next time you or one of your guys comes into MY E.R.... I'll be the one laughing while you lay on the cot dying."
I can tell that he want's to yank her out the vent window by her nostril, "YOU DO REALIZE THAT THIS TRAFFIC STOP IS BEING RECORDED, DON'T YOU????"
"Like I give a shit! Just remember WHO's in CHARGE once you pass those hospital doors... ASSHOLE. Give ME a ticket??? I guarantee you that if you or any of yours come to MY ER... you may as well call the undertaker - that's all I'm saying."
"Ma'am... threatening a police officer who is lawfully engaged in his duties is a FELONY in this state... you can leave now or I may place you under arrest..."
"HA!" says the bitch from inside the car. "Whatever!" and she peels away from the traffic stop, causing my partner to leap back from her car.
Of course, in the days before video this bitch would be visiting her own ER within minutes of the first sideways phrase that shot out of her mouth.
But today, the kindler, gentler police force that we are handles things a bit differently.
The sarge called the brass to give them a heads up, my partner wrote a report covering the threats... THEN the two went to the hospital where the charge nurse who manages the midnight shift was briefed and allowed to view the video with the officers. She assured my guys that there would be an IMMEDIATE disciplinary measure... she actually called the nurse at home in front of them and informed her that she was on 'Executive Leave' pending a complaint investigation, but did not give her any other details.
The charge nurse also called the nurses state licensing board (again in my guys presence - pretty cool) and suggested a suspension of her license.
Now, I guess the plan is that the detectives will complete some felony charging affidavits and attempt to get a warrant ASAP in the morning. The nurse apparently has a preliminary meeting with the hospital admins set for 10 am... our dicks want to be there with a warrant and perp walk her out of the hospital in order to make an impression.
Maybe I should make an 'anonymous' call to the paper to make sure the pics hit the print for Saturdays paper... Hmmmmmmm ;)
Regardless of what exactly happens later today... SHOULD BE INTERESTING!!!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I Love You Captain Red Pen
Sooooo... the command staff has their monthly meeting. Samo, samo... the Sgt.'s had asked the line officers for their input, then took the input to the higher ups where each piece of input is systemically pitched into the shitcan one by one.
However, we all got a chuckle when it was learned that the Captain of the patrol staff was chastised for not being up to speed on the activity in his own division. The Chief assigned him to read five patrol reports a day. SHOULD be part of the job anyways but the patrol Capt. has been a whiny little bitch since he was passed over for the vacant chiefs job last year.
It didn't take long for the chuckles to stop in the patrol division though... the next day half a dozen reports were kicked back to the officers for "corrections."
One officer had written: "I observed the suspect vehicle traveling at 54 mph in the posted 35 mph zone." Capt. Red Pen circled each 'mph' about a dozen times then wrote: DO NOT USE ABBREVIATIONS across the top of the page.
Another officer wrote: "I responded to Main St." Again Capt. Red Pen responded by grinding his red inked weapon around the 'St.' and scrawled DO NOT USE ABBREVIATIONS for the offending officer to see.
Of course all the Road Dogs are up in arms... with all the real issues that have to be dealt with, Capt. Red Pen is really showing how little effort his job requires if he has this much free time on his hands.
I took very special effort to make sure I didn't get any red ink on the last report that I wrote. And of course I had to take some shots... "The suspect drove a red General Motors Corporation pickup bodied motor vehicle..." "Valerie Dawn Victim was born on the twelfth day of May, the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and sixty-four..."
I was really rather shocked when I discovered that the report had been approved - by the Capt. himself as his familiar handwriting was displayed in the approval box: Capt. R. Pen
YES... I circled the 'R.' and wrote NO ABBREVIATIONS across the page and tossed it into HIS mailbox... I just couldn't resist. That was three days ago - as my weekend began.
I go back to work tonight... should be interesting... :)
However, we all got a chuckle when it was learned that the Captain of the patrol staff was chastised for not being up to speed on the activity in his own division. The Chief assigned him to read five patrol reports a day. SHOULD be part of the job anyways but the patrol Capt. has been a whiny little bitch since he was passed over for the vacant chiefs job last year.
It didn't take long for the chuckles to stop in the patrol division though... the next day half a dozen reports were kicked back to the officers for "corrections."
One officer had written: "I observed the suspect vehicle traveling at 54 mph in the posted 35 mph zone." Capt. Red Pen circled each 'mph' about a dozen times then wrote: DO NOT USE ABBREVIATIONS across the top of the page.
Another officer wrote: "I responded to Main St." Again Capt. Red Pen responded by grinding his red inked weapon around the 'St.' and scrawled DO NOT USE ABBREVIATIONS for the offending officer to see.
Of course all the Road Dogs are up in arms... with all the real issues that have to be dealt with, Capt. Red Pen is really showing how little effort his job requires if he has this much free time on his hands.
I took very special effort to make sure I didn't get any red ink on the last report that I wrote. And of course I had to take some shots... "The suspect drove a red General Motors Corporation pickup bodied motor vehicle..." "Valerie Dawn Victim was born on the twelfth day of May, the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and sixty-four..."
I was really rather shocked when I discovered that the report had been approved - by the Capt. himself as his familiar handwriting was displayed in the approval box: Capt. R. Pen
YES... I circled the 'R.' and wrote NO ABBREVIATIONS across the page and tossed it into HIS mailbox... I just couldn't resist. That was three days ago - as my weekend began.
I go back to work tonight... should be interesting... :)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Police Issues vs. Parental Issues... there IS a difference!
I made the rounds, stopping at one of our local convenience stores to stretch my legs, grab a Pepsi and chit chat with the counter crew for a few. As I was getting ready to leave, some mid 20's mom walked in with a pouting little girl, probably about 6 or so.
Mom saw me and right away said, "See, there's a policeman... I'll make him arrest you if you're not a good girl."
WTF!
Ya' know, in my rookie years I may have 'helped' mom by shooting a look at the kid, or I may have 'asked' her to be a good little girl for mommy. But my now veteran status means that I've seen more than enough negativity about cops. Granted we do bring most of it on ourselves... so this negative stuff from some mom who can't let her kid be a kid really ticks me off nowadays. Besides, it was 0400... technically my lunch break but understandably too freakin' early for a kid to be 'chipper!'
"You really shouldn't do that, mam." I started out. Being totally matter-of-fact, not about to collect a (ok- ANOTHER) 'Negative Citizen Contact' sheet and a meeting with the Lt. in the morning.
"You see, if you use me as the heavy because of the badge and uniform... and, heaven forbid, something happens to your daughter tomorrow - like she gets lost. She'll actually AVOID going to a police officer for help if she sees one because she'll think that we're the BAD guys. AND if you keep negatively stereotyping police to her... one of these days it may even escalate to the point where she refuses to call us even when her boyfriend or husband is beating the crap out of her."
As the shift's domestic violence officer, I'm responsible for the customer service side of DV Calls and I was able to quickly produce a "Family Assistance Resource" card from my vest carrier. Handing it to mom, who was pretty much in shock at this point, I added, "Here's a Family Assistance Resource Card for you, check out their website and give them a call, they have all sorts of great parenting classes..."
As I walked out I made sure to smile at the little girl and give her one of my Cop Cards that all the kids in our community collect. Her face really lit up!
Of course, I'm not THAT conceited... my card is sponsored by Dairy Queen and the little girl can get a free cone with a cop card that hasn't been punched yet.. :)
Mom saw me and right away said, "See, there's a policeman... I'll make him arrest you if you're not a good girl."
WTF!
Ya' know, in my rookie years I may have 'helped' mom by shooting a look at the kid, or I may have 'asked' her to be a good little girl for mommy. But my now veteran status means that I've seen more than enough negativity about cops. Granted we do bring most of it on ourselves... so this negative stuff from some mom who can't let her kid be a kid really ticks me off nowadays. Besides, it was 0400... technically my lunch break but understandably too freakin' early for a kid to be 'chipper!'
"You really shouldn't do that, mam." I started out. Being totally matter-of-fact, not about to collect a (ok- ANOTHER) 'Negative Citizen Contact' sheet and a meeting with the Lt. in the morning.
"You see, if you use me as the heavy because of the badge and uniform... and, heaven forbid, something happens to your daughter tomorrow - like she gets lost. She'll actually AVOID going to a police officer for help if she sees one because she'll think that we're the BAD guys. AND if you keep negatively stereotyping police to her... one of these days it may even escalate to the point where she refuses to call us even when her boyfriend or husband is beating the crap out of her."
As the shift's domestic violence officer, I'm responsible for the customer service side of DV Calls and I was able to quickly produce a "Family Assistance Resource" card from my vest carrier. Handing it to mom, who was pretty much in shock at this point, I added, "Here's a Family Assistance Resource Card for you, check out their website and give them a call, they have all sorts of great parenting classes..."
As I walked out I made sure to smile at the little girl and give her one of my Cop Cards that all the kids in our community collect. Her face really lit up!
Of course, I'm not THAT conceited... my card is sponsored by Dairy Queen and the little girl can get a free cone with a cop card that hasn't been punched yet.. :)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
You were PROBABLY doing more than just 'talking'...
As an officer, I have had the opportunity to meet several people when they are in the throws of passion while occupying some vehicle that they thought was perfectly hidden away.
It never fails, the female of the pair SWEARS that all they were doing was talking...
Well ladies... police training has taught me to look for these things called 'clues' and to save both of us the embarrassment of sifting through the lies in these already awkward situations... I've decided to let you in on a few of the major clues that slap me in the face while talking to you through the window...
In case you're all wondering, YES I am a Jeff Foxworthy fan...
If my knock on the window causes you to hit your head on the steering wheel and/or dashboard... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you try to nonchalantly wipe the 'conversation' off of your chin while we speak... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you are in the back seat and your bra is in the front seat... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you are in the front seat while your panties are in the back seat... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If the patrol cars spotlight made you accidently put on your boyfriends underwear... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you try to act as though all is normal even though it is very obvious that your boyfriends hand is "stuck" somewhere... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If there is more lipstick below your boyfriends waist than is on your mouth...
you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you inadvertantly gargle the words, "Good evening officer"... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you have to spit and/or swallow before saying, "Good evening officer"... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you step out of the vehicle and discover a used condom stuck to your thigh while we are taking... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
and finally...
If you were so involved in "conversation" that you failed to notice my spotlight or my knocks on the window -and- my dash camera records five minutes of your feet planted against the hatch back window -and- the microphone picks up your voice saying, "GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!GIVE IT TO MEEEEEEEEEEeee EEE eee EEEEEE...!!!!!
Well then, you actually were talking, however, we all KNOW that you were doing much more than 'just talking.'
It never fails, the female of the pair SWEARS that all they were doing was talking...
Well ladies... police training has taught me to look for these things called 'clues' and to save both of us the embarrassment of sifting through the lies in these already awkward situations... I've decided to let you in on a few of the major clues that slap me in the face while talking to you through the window...
In case you're all wondering, YES I am a Jeff Foxworthy fan...
If my knock on the window causes you to hit your head on the steering wheel and/or dashboard... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you try to nonchalantly wipe the 'conversation' off of your chin while we speak... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you are in the back seat and your bra is in the front seat... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you are in the front seat while your panties are in the back seat... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If the patrol cars spotlight made you accidently put on your boyfriends underwear... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you try to act as though all is normal even though it is very obvious that your boyfriends hand is "stuck" somewhere... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If there is more lipstick below your boyfriends waist than is on your mouth...
you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you inadvertantly gargle the words, "Good evening officer"... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you have to spit and/or swallow before saying, "Good evening officer"... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
If you step out of the vehicle and discover a used condom stuck to your thigh while we are taking... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'
and finally...
If you were so involved in "conversation" that you failed to notice my spotlight or my knocks on the window -and- my dash camera records five minutes of your feet planted against the hatch back window -and- the microphone picks up your voice saying, "GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!GIVE IT TO MEEEEEEEEEEeee EEE eee EEEEEE...!!!!!
Well then, you actually were talking, however, we all KNOW that you were doing much more than 'just talking.'
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
No Politics for Me, Thank You...
Outside of law enforcement, I've had a lifetime in sports.
When the limited skill that I did possess went away, I transitioned to coaching and officiating.
I think that's why so much of this law enforcement stuff comes so easily to me. I just think of it as officiating the game of life.
That's also why I'm able to make the decisions other officers won't. I've already had the perspective that it's not MY decision to make... the person in question chose to do something... the person in question KNEW that the decision had repercussions... I'm merely documenting the activity when I write the ticket or make the arrest... It really IS that simple most of the time!
Writing the Mayor was actually a piece of cake! When he loudly identified himself by asking if I recognized him 'as the mayor of this town that employs you???' I simply said, "Well yes I do... and fortunately, due to the three day ethics training seminar you sent my whole shift to, I know I'm supposed to treat you just as I would treat anyone else. Furthermore, since you require us to wear these digital recorders and video tape every traffic stop... I'm sure your voters will appreciate you taking responsibility for your actions and not using your position to get out of the ticket..."
I AM professional and follow all of my personal ethical guidelines... but I did have one of the most sarcastic shit-eating grins across my face when I said this...
The mayors initial look was of shock, then disbelief... then the same shit-eating grin that I displayed appeared on his face too. Mr. Mayor actually started to laugh a bit! "Well Officer ________, I guess I've got a ticket coming and I'l take it like a big boy."
It's funny, my supervisors were preparing for a huge fallout... to be honest I actually was myself. But low and behold, from the Mayor's point of view, I went from being 'just one of the guys in patrol' to "That Son-of-a-Bitch that gave me a ticket." Of course he always says it with a laugh, and since then I have noticably been moved up the food chain quite a few notches... Delegations to panels, chosen for special duties, guest of the mayor at the annual golf outing...
Hmmmm... Maybe there is something to doing this job while turning a blind eye to the political BS.
When the limited skill that I did possess went away, I transitioned to coaching and officiating.
I think that's why so much of this law enforcement stuff comes so easily to me. I just think of it as officiating the game of life.
That's also why I'm able to make the decisions other officers won't. I've already had the perspective that it's not MY decision to make... the person in question chose to do something... the person in question KNEW that the decision had repercussions... I'm merely documenting the activity when I write the ticket or make the arrest... It really IS that simple most of the time!
Writing the Mayor was actually a piece of cake! When he loudly identified himself by asking if I recognized him 'as the mayor of this town that employs you???' I simply said, "Well yes I do... and fortunately, due to the three day ethics training seminar you sent my whole shift to, I know I'm supposed to treat you just as I would treat anyone else. Furthermore, since you require us to wear these digital recorders and video tape every traffic stop... I'm sure your voters will appreciate you taking responsibility for your actions and not using your position to get out of the ticket..."
I AM professional and follow all of my personal ethical guidelines... but I did have one of the most sarcastic shit-eating grins across my face when I said this...
The mayors initial look was of shock, then disbelief... then the same shit-eating grin that I displayed appeared on his face too. Mr. Mayor actually started to laugh a bit! "Well Officer ________, I guess I've got a ticket coming and I'l take it like a big boy."
It's funny, my supervisors were preparing for a huge fallout... to be honest I actually was myself. But low and behold, from the Mayor's point of view, I went from being 'just one of the guys in patrol' to "That Son-of-a-Bitch that gave me a ticket." Of course he always says it with a laugh, and since then I have noticably been moved up the food chain quite a few notches... Delegations to panels, chosen for special duties, guest of the mayor at the annual golf outing...
Hmmmm... Maybe there is something to doing this job while turning a blind eye to the political BS.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
I'm not a Racist... but You're Still an Asshole
I was just out 'crunching numbers.' No, we don't have a quota, because THOSE are illegal. But my patrol 'activity standard' means that I should pull about a half dozen traffic stops during a shift. Sure, there are other ways to get points and bring the numbers up, through reports and all. But, just to be safe I like to jump out and grab a few traffic stops right off the bat to make sure I get my daily 'standard'.
It also gets the blood flowing and gets me into a pro-active mindset when I come out a humpin'.
I didn't plan to make a federal case of the traffic stop. I KNOW that there is no such thing as a 'routine' traffic stop so I had my gun unsnapped from the holster, fingers around the grip with the secondary safety disengaged when I began the most polite and professional displays of verbal judo...
but I never got the first sentence out of my mouth when;
"THIS IS MY CAR," belted from the drivers side window...
OOOOooooo K, I thought... then I started again...
"Hello, Sir. I'm -"
"I SAAAAAID. THIS. IS. MY. CAR," again from the driver.
"Ok, sir. I underst-"
"Motherfuckers never believe that I can own a Mercedes," driver's getting a bit indignant at this point. I've had enough of his B.S. but I'm no rookie either... so I'm going to dig the whole a little deeper so he can REALLY step into it.. :)
"Sir, I never questioned if this was your car. But if you can produce your drivers license and registration it would be pretty apparent now, wouldn't it?"
He gives me a look of disbelief then YANKS the registration from above the visor... then begins to dig around in his pockets for his wallet. The wallet cannot be found and he SWEARS that he must have left it at the gym. "You know I belong to a nice health club downtown..." Whatever the point of THAT was.
I continue... "Well, sir... since your registration is not signed, it is not valid per the fine print right here (pointing at the empty box) and since you cannot produce a valid photo ID, I cannot verify who you are..."
He about goes through the roof at this point, "DO I HAVE TO CALL MY MOTHERFUCKING LAWYER??!?!?!"
"If he can bring your drivers license here... sure."
His fists clench and he just about comes out the window, then I continue...
"But sir, that is really unnecessary at this point... as long as you SWEAR that this is your car..."
There's actually some spittle coming out of his mouth at this point. "OFFICER. I. SWEAR... ON A STACK OF BIBLES... THIS! IS! MY! CAR!"
"Ok, sir. Now that we're 1000% certain that this IS YOUR CAR... I figure you're the one responsible for the drivers side headlight not functioning..."
You'd think that I just kicked him in the nuts.
++++
I won't say that I NEVER write a ticket for a headlight infraction... but about 98% of the time I'm just trying to stir something up and the violator is cool and legal so he gets a warning. About 1% of the time, the violator is drunk, suspended, has a stack of warnings... so he earns a ticket or trip to jail based on his other issues. And the final 1% of the people are just assholes who literally talk themselves into a ticket
To make a long story short, I wrote three tickets to this guy. One for the headlight, one for the registration not being signed and one for not having a drivers license in possession.
I don't care what color asshole you are... you'll get the same great service that I afford to all assholes.
It also gets the blood flowing and gets me into a pro-active mindset when I come out a humpin'.
I didn't plan to make a federal case of the traffic stop. I KNOW that there is no such thing as a 'routine' traffic stop so I had my gun unsnapped from the holster, fingers around the grip with the secondary safety disengaged when I began the most polite and professional displays of verbal judo...
but I never got the first sentence out of my mouth when;
"THIS IS MY CAR," belted from the drivers side window...
OOOOooooo K, I thought... then I started again...
"Hello, Sir. I'm -"
"I SAAAAAID. THIS. IS. MY. CAR," again from the driver.
"Ok, sir. I underst-"
"Motherfuckers never believe that I can own a Mercedes," driver's getting a bit indignant at this point. I've had enough of his B.S. but I'm no rookie either... so I'm going to dig the whole a little deeper so he can REALLY step into it.. :)
"Sir, I never questioned if this was your car. But if you can produce your drivers license and registration it would be pretty apparent now, wouldn't it?"
He gives me a look of disbelief then YANKS the registration from above the visor... then begins to dig around in his pockets for his wallet. The wallet cannot be found and he SWEARS that he must have left it at the gym. "You know I belong to a nice health club downtown..." Whatever the point of THAT was.
I continue... "Well, sir... since your registration is not signed, it is not valid per the fine print right here (pointing at the empty box) and since you cannot produce a valid photo ID, I cannot verify who you are..."
He about goes through the roof at this point, "DO I HAVE TO CALL MY MOTHERFUCKING LAWYER??!?!?!"
"If he can bring your drivers license here... sure."
His fists clench and he just about comes out the window, then I continue...
"But sir, that is really unnecessary at this point... as long as you SWEAR that this is your car..."
There's actually some spittle coming out of his mouth at this point. "OFFICER. I. SWEAR... ON A STACK OF BIBLES... THIS! IS! MY! CAR!"
"Ok, sir. Now that we're 1000% certain that this IS YOUR CAR... I figure you're the one responsible for the drivers side headlight not functioning..."
You'd think that I just kicked him in the nuts.
++++
I won't say that I NEVER write a ticket for a headlight infraction... but about 98% of the time I'm just trying to stir something up and the violator is cool and legal so he gets a warning. About 1% of the time, the violator is drunk, suspended, has a stack of warnings... so he earns a ticket or trip to jail based on his other issues. And the final 1% of the people are just assholes who literally talk themselves into a ticket
To make a long story short, I wrote three tickets to this guy. One for the headlight, one for the registration not being signed and one for not having a drivers license in possession.
I don't care what color asshole you are... you'll get the same great service that I afford to all assholes.
Friday, January 8, 2010
You're on the Bottom of the Food Chain for a Reason...
I was sliding around town, the weather kept MOST of the idiots in... except this one. His license plate was no where to be seen, which is no big deal for the shitbox communities around us, but my stats were pretty stagnant so I thought "what the heck?"
On the traffic stop I discovered that he had a dealership 'drive-away' tag... FROM MARCH OF '09!!! As this was January of '10, I used all my training to determine that the plate was slightly beyond the thirty day transfer time.
Then he mentioned that his drivers license 'shouldn't' be suspended anymore...
Then he couldn't produce proof of insurance... oh he HAD it but couldn't afford to renew it... (In case you can't keep up, that means that he doesn't actually HAVE insurance)
He began the long diatride... He had no money to pay for plates or insurance because he was out of work - which wasn't HIS fault - because the bastards that he worked for shouldn't have had given him two random drug tests in the same month (WHA?????). He was getting evicted because the bastards in the section 8 housing authority had dropped him for violating his housing agreement (the marijuana they found during the raid wasn't even felony weight - another WHA????) His baby mama was going home to live with her parents and he wasn't welcomed. He couldn't even afford the $50 every two weeks that the buy here/pay here auto dealership was trying to soak him for. His drivers license was suspended because the idiots at the DMV had messed up his paperwork... (OK, I could halfway believe that one)... and the ONLY reason he drove tonight was for an EMERGENCY... his baby mama needed him to stop at the store and get some milk for the kids in the morning.
I went back to my car and checked his license on the computer... wouldn't want to wake up dispatch you know... then returned to tell Mr. Victim the good news...
First of all, the eviction situation was solved since the warrant for his NINE previous driving while suspended convictions would keep him inside county for the next six months... next, the buy here/pay hear auto place had a civil lien against the car so I could contact them directly and save him any impound fees or future burdens of making payments... and finally, Baby Mama could return the FIVE CARTONS of cigarettes and TWO cases of cold beer that were in the backseat (with the receipt from 15 mins ago taped to them) and have some funds to support the next generation fuck-up...
Ya'know... I think that problem solving is my favorite part of this job!
On the traffic stop I discovered that he had a dealership 'drive-away' tag... FROM MARCH OF '09!!! As this was January of '10, I used all my training to determine that the plate was slightly beyond the thirty day transfer time.
Then he mentioned that his drivers license 'shouldn't' be suspended anymore...
Then he couldn't produce proof of insurance... oh he HAD it but couldn't afford to renew it... (In case you can't keep up, that means that he doesn't actually HAVE insurance)
He began the long diatride... He had no money to pay for plates or insurance because he was out of work - which wasn't HIS fault - because the bastards that he worked for shouldn't have had given him two random drug tests in the same month (WHA?????). He was getting evicted because the bastards in the section 8 housing authority had dropped him for violating his housing agreement (the marijuana they found during the raid wasn't even felony weight - another WHA????) His baby mama was going home to live with her parents and he wasn't welcomed. He couldn't even afford the $50 every two weeks that the buy here/pay here auto dealership was trying to soak him for. His drivers license was suspended because the idiots at the DMV had messed up his paperwork... (OK, I could halfway believe that one)... and the ONLY reason he drove tonight was for an EMERGENCY... his baby mama needed him to stop at the store and get some milk for the kids in the morning.
I went back to my car and checked his license on the computer... wouldn't want to wake up dispatch you know... then returned to tell Mr. Victim the good news...
First of all, the eviction situation was solved since the warrant for his NINE previous driving while suspended convictions would keep him inside county for the next six months... next, the buy here/pay hear auto place had a civil lien against the car so I could contact them directly and save him any impound fees or future burdens of making payments... and finally, Baby Mama could return the FIVE CARTONS of cigarettes and TWO cases of cold beer that were in the backseat (with the receipt from 15 mins ago taped to them) and have some funds to support the next generation fuck-up...
Ya'know... I think that problem solving is my favorite part of this job!
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