You were PROBABLY doing more than just 'talking'...

As an officer, I have had the opportunity to meet several people when they are in the throws of passion while occupying some vehicle that they thought was perfectly hidden away.

It never fails, the female of the pair SWEARS that all they were doing was talking...

Well ladies... police training has taught me to look for these things called 'clues' and to save both of us the embarrassment of sifting through the lies in these already awkward situations... I've decided to let you in on a few of the major clues that slap me in the face while talking to you through the window...

In case you're all wondering, YES I am a Jeff Foxworthy fan...

If my knock on the window causes you to hit your head on the steering wheel and/or dashboard... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you try to nonchalantly wipe the 'conversation' off of your chin while we speak... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you are in the back seat and your bra is in the front seat... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you are in the front seat while your panties are in the back seat... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If the patrol cars spotlight made you accidently put on your boyfriends underwear... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you try to act as though all is normal even though it is very obvious that your boyfriends hand is "stuck" somewhere... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If there is more lipstick below your boyfriends waist than is on your mouth...
you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you inadvertantly gargle the words, "Good evening officer"... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you have to spit and/or swallow before saying, "Good evening officer"... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

If you step out of the vehicle and discover a used condom stuck to your thigh while we are taking... you were probably doing more than 'just talking...'

and finally...

If you were so involved in "conversation" that you failed to notice my spotlight or my knocks on the window -and- my dash camera records five minutes of your feet planted against the hatch back window -and- the microphone picks up your voice saying, "GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!GIVE IT TO MEEEEEEEEEEeee EEE eee EEEEEE...!!!!!
Well then, you actually were talking, however, we all KNOW that you were doing much more than 'just talking.'